positive mantras


“At least I don’t have a big penis nose.”

Total fat hysteria time.  I woke up this morning at the weight I was the last time I had to take a good hard look in the mirror and admit I was seriously out of control. I want to freak out and scream and bat the fat off like a plague of cellulite.  I kinda feel like I can’t breathe and I want to say hurtful things to myself about what an awful partner I am to arrrt arrrrrt around the house like an elephant seal in lobster jammy pants.  NO WONDER he is playing video games on his phone until it’s shower and read a book time.  In a dedicated panic, I bought two large bags of lemons and swore that I would starve and do P90X at the same time.   blahhhhaaahahaha………fatness even makes my hair look dumb.


Goals-come on head, get in the game



I am sort of overzealous and neurotic about things, with wandering focus. If I’m going to clean the kitchen; I start with the spice cabinet or finger prints …and four hours later, the Turmeric is the only thing that is where it belongs.  I only started giving a crap about exercising about a year and a half ago, and as soon as I managed to run three miles on the treadmill; I signed up for my first half and then full marathon.  When I quit training (four months ago); I took up binge eating Sour Patch Kids and Buffalo Wing Combos (no, they are not good). In fact, I have not run one single mile since then. I think actually, I am more obsessive than generally neurotic.  I picture neurotic people having clean cars all the time.  I was going somewhere with this? Oh right, goals. As a result of my not-always-directed-in-the-right-place OCD, I kinda suck at setting goals.  I will see that something needs to happen and will set a goal, but my head is more worried about whether the spice cabinet stayed clean.  I hope that the fitness spirit can woo my neurosis back to wanting nothing more than to be healthy and fit and abdelicious, cause right now, I am hyper-focusing on wall hangings and nothing else.  If not, it’s on me and it’s going to feel a lot more like getting a root canal than taking care of myself.